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What Would It Be Like If Wind Experts Reviewed Great Literary Books

Like all bizarre things it started off with a simple piece of news. Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty was under fire by the media for suggesting to the Times of India that the George Orwell book ‘Animal Farm’ could ‘teach the little ones to love and care for animals’.

‘Animal Farm’ could ‘teach the little ones to love and care for animals’

Picked up immediately on twitter it didn’t take long before the hashtag #ShilpaShettyReviews started suggesting other possible misapprehensions about classic books gained from their titles alone. These included Fifty Shades Of Grey being one of the ‘great colouring books of our time’, Pride and Prejudice being about a ‘group of lions and their struggle against racism’ and Harry Potter being about how to make clayware through the use of a kiln.

Of course we all know, in reality, that Animal Farm is actually about the struggles of an impoverished farmer and his struggle to find the most cost-effective place for a wind turbine on his hilly land…

..and then we started wondering what the world of classic books could be changed to if seen through the eyes of someone who had wind power on their mind more than a love of literature.

Here’s our top twenty:

20. The Thirty-Nine Steps – John Buchan

The adventures of a man attempting to get to the nacelle of his small wind turbine.

19. Gulliver’s Travels – Jonathan Swift

A young man crosses the globe losing his baggage while going from one wind conference to another

18. Dr Zhivago – Boris Pasternak

A Russian scientist works on a secret wind turbine project that could emit enough energy to power every hospital in the world.

17. Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland – Lewis Carroll

A young female engineering graduate falls off a train in Brussels and tries to get a meaningful job in the Wind Industry

16. The Sun Also Rises – Ernest Hemingway

A hardworking cost management analyst fights for the facts and eventually persuades the skeptical townsfolk that while they waited all night for their solar to start, wind energy had already done the job.

15. The Lord Of The Rings – JRR Tolkein

The mischievous CEO of a large wind farm adds coloured smoke to the ends of his turbine blades to make pretty circles in the sky

14. Cold Comfort farm – Stella Gibbons

The sad demise of the only family in the High Hills farming community to not install small scale wind energy for their power needs.

13. A Passage To India – EM Forster

The amazing and magical journey of hundreds of brave men and women who carved an Empire made from air to become the fourth largest wind energy generator in the world.

12. Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea – Jules Verne

A ships crew follow their captain as he leads them to a place of offshore wind riches.

11. The Wind In The Willows – Kenneth Grahame

A community of young environmentalists come together to build the world’s first wooden 8MW wind turbine.

10. The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy – Douglas Adams

A strange traveller jumps in a scientists car and explains the workings of a new breed of wind turbines made using alien technology.

9. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas

The heads of the AWEA, Wind Europe and GWEC join forces as they battle for power in a new world run by an evil gang of ‘Frackers’.

8. A Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess

A timely comedy relaying how locals react to a big Dutch wind energy provider painting their wind turbines a very bright colour.

7. Paradise Lost – John Milton

Citizens of a once pretty village lament allowing open cast coal mining in their area when they could have had offshore wind.

6. Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone – J K Rowling

Young hero informs those involved in the environment debate that there is another word for his three magic wands – blades.

5. The WonderFul Wizard Of Oz – L Frank Baum

A young farm girl makes her way to Australia to discover who is the real person behind the all-powerful Clean Energy Council

4. Nineteen Eighty-Four – George Orwell

A man named V Estas spends his fortune attempting to build a 1984 MW turbine as his enemies close in.

3. Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh

A foppish wind analyst falls in love while returning to an area to do final wind calculations before suggesting a wind farm be built.

2. All Quiet On the Western Front – Erich Remarque

Villagers feel powerless on a strange and eerie day when the wind stops blowing but are saved by a smart grid connected to the Eastern Front.

1. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens

The ‘in your face’ story of sex, money and unlimited power in the New York PR department of a large American Wind Turbine manufacturer.

A big mention should also go out to those that nearly made the top twenty, including: that great offshore wind saga ‘Three Men In A Boat’; the beautifully written story of the highest wind farm in the world ‘Wuthering Heights’; and the wind politics thriller ‘Les Miserables’.

To Catch A Mockingbird, Catch-22 and Moby Dick were purposely not mentioned because they were just too rude to be included.

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